Being Single and Content

I went to a wedding this past weekend, and for some reasons weddings have a way to stir up something inside of me, and that something is not entirely bad, but it makes me ansious,
makes me want someone to hold my hand, you see where this is going right?
So before I started to get sad, and feeling lonely I thought of something a friend of mine wrote, that helps me to stay "cool" when the "I wish I had a boyfriend" drama starts, so here it is, It migth help you too.

Being Content and Single
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 at 7:52pm
So spring is here, Valentines Day is fresh in my memory, and I've been doing some thinking about this whole being single thing. I don't know what it is about this time of year, but I keep feeling compelled to go out and find someone. Not for any reason in particular - perhaps narcissism - I don't know. My point is that I've let myself buy into the lie that I'll only be happy in a relationship. The only relationship that is essential to our lives is our walk with Jesus Christ.

I guess it goes back to the whole contentment thing. There is no contentment outside of Jesus. When I drift off and fall away from my Savior I start looking for other stuff to fill me up. All of a sudden this whole dating just for the sake of making yourself feel good things looks a little more attractive, when in turn it is a completely ridiculous idea. Dating **for the sole purpose of** deriving some kind of physical, emotional, or egotistical pleasure from it is both selfish and irrational. This is the kind of relationship in which you really don't care that much about the other person, instead you're interested in how they make you feel. Questions arise like "Do they make you happy? Do they make you feel good?". These questions do not focus on the other person, or even on your realtionship. These questions are directed at enhancing your emotions and feelings at the expense of other if need be. In essence, this type of dating is nothing but a way of making what's supposed to be a symbiotic relationship all about you.

Now, dating should bring emotional fulfillment, edification, and (within the contents of marriage) physical pleasure, but as a function of love and focus towards a common goal (Jesus Christ). These things come from a mature relationship and mutual sacrifice, NOT from a narcissistic manipulation of the opposite sex. Which kind of brings me to my point... dating just for the sake of "it makes me feel good" is just plain dumb (we'll call this emotivistic dating). Crack makes you feel good too, but it there aren't enough benefits to outweigh the side effects of crack, you probably shouldn't be doing it (Of course it's a no brainer w/ crack, but a good illustration). Emotivistic dating uses up resources (time, energy, money, affection) and can lead to tons of drama, dangling emotional feelings, impure physical relationships, and a plethora of other baggage that you will carry into other relationships.

So here's the skinny: I need to be content with being single! The apostle Paul tells us that "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am." and that "I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs—how he can please the Lord."(I Cor. 7:8, 32) Did you hear that? It will actually help my walk with the father if I remain single. While men/women are encouraged to marry if it will help fight lust (I Cor. 7:9), Paul says that those who have the gift of celibacy should exercise it, so that we may focus more on Christ (I Cor. 7:7). What I get from this passage is don't freak out about being single! This is a time in which I can go where He would lead me, free of any ties and concerns that are usually associated with a significant other. Do I want a wife? Yes, but I want to be close to my Lord far more. Because when I'm close to Jesus, everything else just kind of works itself out.

This isn't a new idea for me, but it is a constant battle, and I think it's always going to be that way. While I might have made the cognitive decision to give my dating life to God a long time ago, living the decision had become much harder. Jesus knew it would be this way, not just with dating but with the desires of the flesh in general. That is why he said "If anyone would come after me he must deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me." (Luke 9:23). He gave us the command to do it DAILY, not just once. That is the only way we will find contentment.

So are you struggling with being single? are you in a bad relationship? make sure that your contentment comes from Jesus - and him alone. Once you have that type of perspective, you'll be able to handle any interpersonal relationship with a clear head. As the psalmist said:

Whom have I in heaven but you?And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,but God is the strength of my heartand my portion forever.
-(Psalm 73:25-26)